Well, it's the first week after learning of Ryan's (my 3 year old son) official diagnosis with Autism. To say I have fully begun to process what all that means is a lie. I had a super hard and emotional past couple of days. Letting family and friends know has been cathartic as well as torturous. I don't think I have cried this much in years! And yet, I know this is not the "end of the road" for Ryan. This is only the beginning of a journey that may be unpredictable and scary at times, but will also prove to be very rewarding. God is and always will be in control and I am STANDING on the fact that Ryan has come intou our family for a purpose. He is WONDERFULLY made. Right now I am simply struggling with the education focus we need to start thinking about. Do we put him in public school or do I homeschool? This already has been a very contrversial issue in our household. I go back and forth constantly. I am praying God truly gives both Ben and I DIVINE wisdom and guidance for the answer. I have seen Him do it before...I know He is faithful to do it again!
As I was thinking about what to write, I was drawn to Ephesians 6:13:
"Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will be standing firm." (NLT) This verse is a promise to me. If I choose to put on the armor everyday, I WILL be able to stand firm after the battle. It doesn't say we will always win the little battles that I will go through at home...I know I will have an "off" day here and there...but it does say I will be standing firm no matter what! Thank you, Jesus!
I guess the purpose of this blog is to be able to write out all my frustrations, successes, hopes, fears, etc. I have never walked through a season like this, so I think I need a safe place to divulge my feelings and maybe connect with others going through the same struggles.
So...here is today's report on Ryan:
-Ryan is continuing to take his diaper off at night and at naps. We put the small toilet in his room, but he doesn't quite understand the concept yet.
-He had a "melt-down" this evening when I was dressing him in warmer clothes to play outside. I tried to ask why, but he didn't answer. He just kept pulling at his clothes. This lasted about 5-7 minutes. His turning point was the mention of playing at the park.
-Much of today was spent playing inside because of rainy, cold weather. Ryan played with his trains most of the day. When he wasn't playing with his trains, he wanted to watch a movie. This is typical behavior.
-He has been making a lot more eye contact lately, which is a huge success! Though sometimes he will look at me and smile or laugh like his is thinking about something else. Sometimes I wish I could read his mind.
-There are times when he starts laughing hysterically about absolutely nothing! Sometimes Ben and I say he is laughing at one of our guardian angels! They must be making bunny ears behind us!! :)
I have felt incredibly blessed by the amazing outpouring of love from our family and friends. Everyone has been so amazingly understanding, offering beautiful words of encouragement and wisdom. I am so thankful for the family of God the Lord has placed us in!
And now to begin a journey that will take us to places we have never been before! As we place the armor of God on us, we will stand firm during the battles that will come!
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