So, we have been trying to get Ryan on the potty for months now and it's still not working! :( I wake up to poop on the ground pretty much daily! The problem is, he takes his diaper off when he has to "go", but refuses to do his business on the toilet! I know this is a lot of times just an age thing, but I am just a little frustrated with cleaning up the messes!
But even as I write this, I am reminded of my little "messes" everyday! And yet, God never gets tired of cleaning me up! Whew...what an amazing God we serve. Constantly there; constantly ready to clean our messes; just CONSTANT. There is a song by Francesca Battistelli that has been on my heart for about a month now that is that title: Constant. And boy, has it hit home for me! Here are some of the words:
"I'm just a little bit afraid of where I'm goin
And it feels like a hurricane is blowin over
Though I can't find the ground blow
I've lived enough to know
I've lived enough to know
YOU're my CONSTANT
In every moment
CONSTANT
You've never failed me
All my life
You have never left my side
You are my CONSTANT
Before I was a thought on earth
You knew me then and You gave me worth
When all of this is said and done,
You will be the One I stand in AWE."
Thank you, Jesus. You have given me so many promises along this journey already. I know you are walking with me during this time! Even when I find "messes", You will always be MY CONSTANT in every moment!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
"Baby Moon!!" - May 20-23, 2011
So, this past weekend Ben and I were given a WONDERFUL gift from Ben's parents to take a Baby Moon!! For those of you who don't know, a Baby Moon is like a honeymoon except it's right before a baby is born instead of right after the wedding ceremony! It's like the last time you and your spouse can get away before life gets a little more hectic!! :)
Back to the story...
We were able to travel to Illinois and drop the kids off with "Mawmaw and Pawpaw" and get a quick, but much-needed 24 hour period alone!! It was super hard to leave, however. I broke down right before we had to go because Ryan refused to eat or put clothes on...yet again! It was a longer tantrum...probably because we were at a different place. He also wasn't feeling the best all weekend. He had a fever and diarrea, so needless to say, there was more going on than just not wanting to do something. Regardless of the tantrum and tears (on my part), Ben and I made ourselves leave. And to be honest, it was probably the BEST thing we could have done. We were able to just be together with no distractions and focus on each other, which in turn helps us focus better on our children! When we have time together, our communication is better, which helps in our parenting! You really forget how your marriage was before children until they aren't with you!! All around, it was a wonderful time away. Beth (Ben's mom) gave us updates during the day and made sure we knew Ryan was doing really well. Ben and I have decided to make it a priority to have time for each other as we go through this season. It's amazing how life just gets in the way and you forget to keep each other a priority! So thankful to Beth and Mark for watching the kiddos for us while we were gone! :)
After our 24 hours away, we came back to the grandparent's house and Beth had just read a devotional in one of her books the day before that really applied to our situation. It was a summary of a bunch of different scriptures that were all about being wonderfully made and that God doesn't make any mistakes. She replaced all the "I's" and "me's" to Ryan, so this is how it read:
"I give thanks to You, O Lord, and I stand in awe of You, for Ryan is wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works! Thank You that You uniquely designed and created Ryan with the same care and precision You used in creating the universe...that you formed Ryan in love exactly to your specifications...that You embroidered Ryan with great skill in Nicole's womb. I am grateful that Ryan's looks, Ryan's abilities, and Ryan's personality are lik a special picture frame in which You can portray Your grace and beauty, Your love, Your strength, Your faithfulness, to the praise of Your glory. I rejoice that You have gifted Ryan for the special purposes You have in mind for Ryan's life. I thank You for Your loving wisdom in allowing the things that will influence Ryan's life --the things that will prepare Ryan's heart to respond to You and live for Your glory. It's wonderful to know that You are not the least bit dissastisfied with Ryan's inborn talents, intelligence, aptitudes, appearance, and personality, for Your hands have made and fashioned him. Ryan is one of Your original masterpieces! I worship and bow down; I kneel before You, my Maker"...and so will Ryan! (Psalm 139:13-16, Ephesians 1:6, Romans 12:3-6, Psalm 119:67, 71, Psalm 119:73, Psalm 95:6)
Back to the story...
We were able to travel to Illinois and drop the kids off with "Mawmaw and Pawpaw" and get a quick, but much-needed 24 hour period alone!! It was super hard to leave, however. I broke down right before we had to go because Ryan refused to eat or put clothes on...yet again! It was a longer tantrum...probably because we were at a different place. He also wasn't feeling the best all weekend. He had a fever and diarrea, so needless to say, there was more going on than just not wanting to do something. Regardless of the tantrum and tears (on my part), Ben and I made ourselves leave. And to be honest, it was probably the BEST thing we could have done. We were able to just be together with no distractions and focus on each other, which in turn helps us focus better on our children! When we have time together, our communication is better, which helps in our parenting! You really forget how your marriage was before children until they aren't with you!! All around, it was a wonderful time away. Beth (Ben's mom) gave us updates during the day and made sure we knew Ryan was doing really well. Ben and I have decided to make it a priority to have time for each other as we go through this season. It's amazing how life just gets in the way and you forget to keep each other a priority! So thankful to Beth and Mark for watching the kiddos for us while we were gone! :)
After our 24 hours away, we came back to the grandparent's house and Beth had just read a devotional in one of her books the day before that really applied to our situation. It was a summary of a bunch of different scriptures that were all about being wonderfully made and that God doesn't make any mistakes. She replaced all the "I's" and "me's" to Ryan, so this is how it read:
"I give thanks to You, O Lord, and I stand in awe of You, for Ryan is wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works! Thank You that You uniquely designed and created Ryan with the same care and precision You used in creating the universe...that you formed Ryan in love exactly to your specifications...that You embroidered Ryan with great skill in Nicole's womb. I am grateful that Ryan's looks, Ryan's abilities, and Ryan's personality are lik a special picture frame in which You can portray Your grace and beauty, Your love, Your strength, Your faithfulness, to the praise of Your glory. I rejoice that You have gifted Ryan for the special purposes You have in mind for Ryan's life. I thank You for Your loving wisdom in allowing the things that will influence Ryan's life --the things that will prepare Ryan's heart to respond to You and live for Your glory. It's wonderful to know that You are not the least bit dissastisfied with Ryan's inborn talents, intelligence, aptitudes, appearance, and personality, for Your hands have made and fashioned him. Ryan is one of Your original masterpieces! I worship and bow down; I kneel before You, my Maker"...and so will Ryan! (Psalm 139:13-16, Ephesians 1:6, Romans 12:3-6, Psalm 119:67, 71, Psalm 119:73, Psalm 95:6)
May 18, 2011
Today was wonderfully calm! Whew....had one melt-down in the morning when I tried to get him to stop playing with his trains long enough to eat breakfast. Other than that, he has been calm the whole day. My mom had a prayer time with a church friend and my dad last night to pray over this entire situation. It felt good to give EVERYTHING to the Lord and really release all my fears to Him. I felt like a burden was lifted. God is good and He is going to show HIMSELF strong in our family. AMEN.
Psalm 108:1-5
"My heart is confident in you, O God; no wonder I can sing your praises with all my heart! Wake up lyre and harp! I will wake the dawn with my song. I will thank you, Lord, among all the people. I will sing your praises among the nations. For your unfailing love is higher than the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens. May your glory shine over all the earth."
Psalm 108:1-5
"My heart is confident in you, O God; no wonder I can sing your praises with all my heart! Wake up lyre and harp! I will wake the dawn with my song. I will thank you, Lord, among all the people. I will sing your praises among the nations. For your unfailing love is higher than the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens. May your glory shine over all the earth."
"A Spiritual Battle" - May 17, 2011
Well, today started out great! Everyone (Gracie- 4, Ryan - 3, Olivia- 16 months) was in great spirits. Ryan woke up at a decent hour with all his clothes on!! A rarity lately! :) The afternoon changed, however. I was trying to get Ryan to pee on the toilet today since he was refusing to keep his diaper on. He was doing exceptionally well in his underwear. But melt-down occurred when I tried to get him on the toilet before lunch. He refused to the point of tantrum. As I was trying to put his underwear back on he was kicking and screaming. He wanted to be completely naked. I tried to get him to come to the table, but he was refusing the whole time. The only way I could calm him down was to show him a "Thomas" movie. After he knew we were going to watch a movie, he let me dress him and he ate some of his lunch. I think visual things help him to calm down and focus.
The rest of the day was great! I think when Ryan gets frustrated about something, I need to learn to step back from the situation and let him regain focus again. He is such a good little boy. We are really beginning to speak the truth over him. Above everything, I want him to know we're NOT ashamed of him or autism. It doesn't define who he is in the Lord. I'm even praying that we could all use this for ministry opportunities! God knows exactly what He is doing and He doesn't make mistakes!!! Thank you, Jesus!!!!
The rest of the day was great! I think when Ryan gets frustrated about something, I need to learn to step back from the situation and let him regain focus again. He is such a good little boy. We are really beginning to speak the truth over him. Above everything, I want him to know we're NOT ashamed of him or autism. It doesn't define who he is in the Lord. I'm even praying that we could all use this for ministry opportunities! God knows exactly what He is doing and He doesn't make mistakes!!! Thank you, Jesus!!!!
Ben's Promise from God - May 16, 2011
Here is the verse Ben got from the Lord upon praying about the diagnosis of Ryan:
Matthew 7:7-8
"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
Matthew 7:7-8
"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
"A Hard Weekend" - May 16, 2011
Well, it's the first week after learning of Ryan's (my 3 year old son) official diagnosis with Autism. To say I have fully begun to process what all that means is a lie. I had a super hard and emotional past couple of days. Letting family and friends know has been cathartic as well as torturous. I don't think I have cried this much in years! And yet, I know this is not the "end of the road" for Ryan. This is only the beginning of a journey that may be unpredictable and scary at times, but will also prove to be very rewarding. God is and always will be in control and I am STANDING on the fact that Ryan has come intou our family for a purpose. He is WONDERFULLY made. Right now I am simply struggling with the education focus we need to start thinking about. Do we put him in public school or do I homeschool? This already has been a very contrversial issue in our household. I go back and forth constantly. I am praying God truly gives both Ben and I DIVINE wisdom and guidance for the answer. I have seen Him do it before...I know He is faithful to do it again!
As I was thinking about what to write, I was drawn to Ephesians 6:13:
"Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will be standing firm." (NLT) This verse is a promise to me. If I choose to put on the armor everyday, I WILL be able to stand firm after the battle. It doesn't say we will always win the little battles that I will go through at home...I know I will have an "off" day here and there...but it does say I will be standing firm no matter what! Thank you, Jesus!
I guess the purpose of this blog is to be able to write out all my frustrations, successes, hopes, fears, etc. I have never walked through a season like this, so I think I need a safe place to divulge my feelings and maybe connect with others going through the same struggles.
So...here is today's report on Ryan:
-Ryan is continuing to take his diaper off at night and at naps. We put the small toilet in his room, but he doesn't quite understand the concept yet.
-He had a "melt-down" this evening when I was dressing him in warmer clothes to play outside. I tried to ask why, but he didn't answer. He just kept pulling at his clothes. This lasted about 5-7 minutes. His turning point was the mention of playing at the park.
-Much of today was spent playing inside because of rainy, cold weather. Ryan played with his trains most of the day. When he wasn't playing with his trains, he wanted to watch a movie. This is typical behavior.
-He has been making a lot more eye contact lately, which is a huge success! Though sometimes he will look at me and smile or laugh like his is thinking about something else. Sometimes I wish I could read his mind.
-There are times when he starts laughing hysterically about absolutely nothing! Sometimes Ben and I say he is laughing at one of our guardian angels! They must be making bunny ears behind us!! :)
I have felt incredibly blessed by the amazing outpouring of love from our family and friends. Everyone has been so amazingly understanding, offering beautiful words of encouragement and wisdom. I am so thankful for the family of God the Lord has placed us in!
And now to begin a journey that will take us to places we have never been before! As we place the armor of God on us, we will stand firm during the battles that will come!
As I was thinking about what to write, I was drawn to Ephesians 6:13:
"Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will be standing firm." (NLT) This verse is a promise to me. If I choose to put on the armor everyday, I WILL be able to stand firm after the battle. It doesn't say we will always win the little battles that I will go through at home...I know I will have an "off" day here and there...but it does say I will be standing firm no matter what! Thank you, Jesus!
I guess the purpose of this blog is to be able to write out all my frustrations, successes, hopes, fears, etc. I have never walked through a season like this, so I think I need a safe place to divulge my feelings and maybe connect with others going through the same struggles.
So...here is today's report on Ryan:
-Ryan is continuing to take his diaper off at night and at naps. We put the small toilet in his room, but he doesn't quite understand the concept yet.
-He had a "melt-down" this evening when I was dressing him in warmer clothes to play outside. I tried to ask why, but he didn't answer. He just kept pulling at his clothes. This lasted about 5-7 minutes. His turning point was the mention of playing at the park.
-Much of today was spent playing inside because of rainy, cold weather. Ryan played with his trains most of the day. When he wasn't playing with his trains, he wanted to watch a movie. This is typical behavior.
-He has been making a lot more eye contact lately, which is a huge success! Though sometimes he will look at me and smile or laugh like his is thinking about something else. Sometimes I wish I could read his mind.
-There are times when he starts laughing hysterically about absolutely nothing! Sometimes Ben and I say he is laughing at one of our guardian angels! They must be making bunny ears behind us!! :)
I have felt incredibly blessed by the amazing outpouring of love from our family and friends. Everyone has been so amazingly understanding, offering beautiful words of encouragement and wisdom. I am so thankful for the family of God the Lord has placed us in!
And now to begin a journey that will take us to places we have never been before! As we place the armor of God on us, we will stand firm during the battles that will come!
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