So, having 3 small children and a newborn has totally taken me away from blogging! Whew...but I am going to TRY to continue to blog as much as I can.
Well, we just got back from Gatlinburg, TN last night! My brother and his lovely family are in town from Oregon and we decided to take a nice family vacation. IT WAS AWESOME. I saw some interesting things in Ryan boy on this trip, however. As we were leaving on the trip Ryan had a MAJOR MELTDOWN. It was a "grand-mal" of a tantrum...which we haven't seen in a long time. Before we left mom and dad's house, we were all talking about swimming at the resort we were going to and Ryan thought we were going to swim in the little kiddie pool outside mom and dad's house. As we were walking out, Ryan began to flip out. I tried to call him outside, but he wouldn't budge. We tried explaining, "No, Ryan, we are going to go swimming in Gatlinburg! Won't that be fun??" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." Was the only response we were getting. Ben finally picked him up as he was kicking, screaming, spitting, hitting. It was a sight. After much strength, Ben got him buckled in his seat. He was completely red-faced and sweating...so was Ryan! :) I joke, but at that moment I was panicking. I was thinking, "Oh, no...have we regressed? Is this going to happen more? How are we supposed to help him? Will he be like this forever?" I began to cry. Everyone wants their children to understand them and feel "normal." My whole family met up at a local grocery store to get some last minute items for the trip and to pray, which is a family tradition before road trips. They all noticed I was crying and asked what was the matter. I couldn't even get words out. I know he is my gift from God, but sometimes our perspectives get skewed by the circumstances surrounding our gifts. It's hard work! I see progress some days, then regression on other days. And boy, that certainly goes against my own agenda! I am one of those people that likes a clean house, a schedule of events, clean children....the list goes on. Basically, I like control. God is definitely teaching me, through Ryan, that I am NOT in control, but HE IS! He created Ryan and has a purpose and a plan for my little boy.....and it's NOT my plan. Slowly, but surely I am releasing my hands on the situation and letting God move in Ryan's life and mine. It's not my will, but God's will.
God is good and He is continuing to teach me many things about Ryan, my family, Autism and life. It's a crazy life, for sure, but God is the one holding everything together. Thank you, Jesus!
