Well, it's 2012! Wow, a new year usually equals a new season for me! And boy, what a season I have found myself in! First of all, my pastor (Tim Lawson) has called a fast for the month of January to pray about some specifics about this year and our church! Exciting times, but also a time of stepping out in faith! I was at a loss as to what I should fast. I can't fast food because I am still breastfeeding, I fasted the internet last time...I asked the Lord what He wanted me to give up. I decided to wake up early one morning because I don't have any time during my day to really read the Word and focus my energy on the Lord. As I was up before the sun, reading some scripture, the gentleness of the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear. "I want to spend one-on-one time with you every morning like this. Would you sacrifice your sleep for me?" Whew....Anyone with more than one child under the age of 3 is probably shuttering right now! HA! "Okay, Lord,...I think I can....I think I can...I think I can..." was my first response. I will try! *** So, it's been 2 weeks of waking up before the sun is up, finding my way to the kitchen, making some coffee, and nestling into my couch for some one-on-one time with the Lord!! Now, I have skipped 3 days...due to some laziness on my part, but for the most part, I have genuinely ENJOYED my early morning dates with Jesus. :) And boy, what a boldness I have had since my alone time with Him. I have noticed when I am CONNECTED to the Word, my whole day is at ease. Do I still have some choices to make when my flesh gets uneasy...of course!!! Our flesh is such a hard thing to train!! But I am doing it!!!! The reason I am blogging about this is because through my discipline, I have been able to see Ryan in a different light. I am more patient and kind with him. I don't get as overwhelmed. I have an eternal perspective when things are getting crazy. More than anything in the world, I need Ryan to know that he is loved beyond measure. Well, I want that for all my kids, but I need Ryan to know it down deep because as of right now he can't express it back. And that's ok. I have seen tidbits of his love language here and there and I hold on to those moments with all my heart!!!
Okay, so I will pause here because Ben wants to write something!
This is Ben, (Ryan's Dad) and I would like to share from Ryans point of view. Here goes.
"Hi, I'm Ryan, and I'm a good boy. I love to play with my Thomas trains and my Lightening McQueen and Chick Hicks cars. Mommy takes good care of me, and is always pushing me to try and learn something new, and do big boy stuff. I really like doing things that make me feel smart, like saying all my letters of the alphabet and their sounds. Some times, when life is a little overwhelming, and also when I'm just happy, I run from room to room using my "siren" voice. Gracie lets me tackle her, which I'm good at, and Dad wrestles with me a lot, which is good outlet for my energy. I also enjoy sitting under my comforter and pretending its a tent, and playing hide and seek. I enjoy my big family, and all my extended relatives. Life is good and I can't wait to be able to share all this with my own voice."
It's Nicole Again! Whew...ok, you just got a great picture of how my son works! We can't see what he is thinking and we can't always understand his words, and we don't truly know his perspective, but we are getting there! We know that he cares deeply for things. I know we will continue to unravel the mystery of Ryan little by little, day by day. But before that, we will love him where he is.
That is great Nicole! I want to jump in with you to say that I am doing the exact same thing! Of course, I only have 2 kiddos... but, I'm getting up at 6 every morning, and doing exercise and devotions before the kids or Matt are awake! I have found the same thing as you - on my early days, I'm more patient, kindhearted, and more willing to teach instead of yell or be frustrated. On my hardest days, I realize that I slept in, or skipped out on my reading for some reason. Here are blessings to us both for stepping out in faith that HE will give us more and greater strength because we listen and obey, even if that means less sleep for us!!
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