A Long Month--December 20, 2011

So, it has been FOREVER since I last posted and for that I am very sorry.  I have seen some major milestones passed as well as some regression on Ryan's part and I will try my best to recount each one!

So, I will start with some milestones that we have recently seen in our wonderful Ryan boy!  Eye contact, which is always a hard concept for children with Autism has been becoming a reality for Ryan!  This is something I am very grateful for.  He has been becoming more and more aware of his surroundings...even looking around when we are eating at an unfamiliar restaurant.  We were eating at a Mexican restaurant a couple of months ago and while we were eating I could see Ryan constantly looking behind him at a woman who had long, brunette hair.  I was wondering what he was thinking.  I kept asking him, "Ryan, do you like her hair?"  No response.  After we had finished our food and we were getting our coats together, Ryan ran towards this woman and started playing with her hair!!!  I was absolutely SHOCKED beyond belief.  If anyone knows Ryan, you know he would never go to an unfamiliar person, let alone touch their hair!!!  hahahahahahaha....  I apologized to the woman and told her I thought he liked her hair.  She was laughing and said her son does the exact same thing!  :)  Whew...I know this sounds odd, but I was completely encouraged by this undignified act!  He wasn't just functioning in his own little world.  He found something around him that he was intrigued with and became curious about it.  He is coming out of his shell!! 

Ryan has always been very interested in letters.  He knows all the letters in the alphabet and also knows every sound (Thank you, Letter Factory by Leap Pad!!!  :))  Recently, he has been wanting me to make actual words with the letters.  We are working on sounding all the letters out and blending the sounds.  He is getting it!!!  Gracie is just know learning the same concept and I have a feeling he will bypass her at some point!  He loves it!  As of right now he doesn't have the ability to hold a pencil, but that is coming...I KNOW IT!

He is also using his words a lot more now.  We have 3-word sentences  pretty much down!  :)  Most of the time I hear, "I want chocolate!"  haha...he is my chocolate boy!! 

A few regressions that I have seen lately are a little disheartening, but that's to be expected, I suppose.  Ryan has a "siren" I call it.  He will run from room to room squeeling in a high-pitched tone.  I don't exactly know why he does this because it's pretty random.  I do notice when there are more people in our house than normal it gets higher and louder.  I think it's his way of coping with loud sounds around him...like he is trying to block it out using a louder sound?  This is only a guess.  Ben and I have decided it's fine for him to do it at our house, but we have tried to make it a point to put the boundary on when we are out in public.  We have explained to him that he can use his "siren" when we are at home, but at church, at a restaurant or at someone else's house, he has to put his "siren" away. He is slowly understanding, but still has a hard time with louder atmospheres. 

Ryan is still choosing not to speak when spoken to the first time.  I have to ask a question about 3 times before he acknowledges me.  I understand this is common with Autistic people, but it is hard as a mom...especially with three other demanding children.  I try to make special time carved out for each of them, but there is still not enough time!  I have had a hard time with this lately.  Depression has tried to creep into my happy little home.  I have been hearing the enemy tell me I am not a good mother or wife.  My house is always a mess, my kids aren't responding to my discipline, my husband is going to leave, autism is too much of a challenge...might as well give up...Yah, major lies from satan himself.  I have had to fight these lies SO MUCH lately.  Every little mess and pile of laundry has been so overwhelming to me that it paralyzes me.  This is not to get sympathy from any of you readers out there...I am just being honest.  I have really good, empowering days, then I have battles.  I have been at this battle for about a month now, but I am still fighting.  Only with God's truth can I do this!  He has been so faithful through this time and I am so THANKFUL for that.  God recently told me this as I was crying at the alter at church a couple of Sundays ago:
"Nicole, I didn't give you Ryan because I don't love you.  I LOVE YOU, THAT'S WHY I GAVE RYAN TO YOU!"  Shew...can you say REVELATION!  He knew I could care for Ryan exactly how Ryan needs to be cared for.  Talk about empowering!  I love it when God intervenes in our weakness.  For in our weakness, HE IS MADE STRONG!  Thank you, Jesus!!!

Well, that's all for now!  I will probably write in about 6 months from now!  hahahaha...Sorry it's been so sporatic.  I only have a chance to write now because Josiah (5 months) is napping and it's so nice outside, Gracie (5 in January), Ryan (3) and Olivia (2 in January) are all playing outside!!  Yes, I love these mild December temperatures this year. 
I pray everyone has a wonderful holiday season with many blessings from above!!!