Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Therapies--June 5, 2013

Hello!  Long time, no blog, I know!!  Whew...

So, we have recently started Occupational therapy and speech therapy with Ryan!  What a trip!  We are on our 3rd week and we have experienced ups and downs already.  Today was a down, but that's ok!  We are getting used to this new schedule and seeing how this really works.  I would say the "honeymoon" period is over for Ryan and he has decided to be defiant instead of cooperative, but I had a feeling this would happen.  The first couple of weeks of "getting to know you" with the therapists was wonderful.  Ryan would do everything they wanted without much complaint.  When they would ask him to sit on the "big, black ball" he would.  When they asked him to say, "May I have this or that" he would!  Whew...Today found us in a completely different boat.  First of all, Wednesdays we have both therapists come within a half an hour of each other.  They overlap times, so they are at our house the same time, working with Ryan simultaneously.  It started with our speech therapist, arriving at 9am.  As soon as she walked in (and she is wonderful, by the way) Ryan flips out; flailing out of my arms and screaming down the hallway.  My heart immediately goes heavy. This is not going to be easy, I think to myself.  With all the strength I could muster, I gritted my teeth and grabbed Ryan in my arms.  Trying to restrain tears myself, I try to calm him the best I can.  To the speech therapist's credit, none of Ryan's behavior seemed to bother her.  She calmly got all the activities in order and tried the best she could to get him to concentrate.  What seemed like an eternity of trying to calm Ryan and restrain him enough to concentrate, the OT walks in!  I try to warn her with my face that Ryan is having a terrible day.  As the OT walks in (and she is also magnificent, by the way) Ryan looks at her, then at the speech therapist and FLIPS OUT EVEN MORE!!!  There's tears, coughing, slobber, flailing limbs, red face, SCREAMING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Can you picture this?!  :/  In the meantime, my youngest Josiah who is almost 2, is also having a meltdown!  It is almost laughable now, but this was definitely my lowest moment in our session.  I could have broken down and cried in front of the therapists right there.  But for the sake of my 2 flipped out sons, I kept it together.  The OT saw all of this going on and asks Ryan if he wants to get the "big black ball" out of her car.  (She brings a giant-sized exercise ball for Ryan during his sessions.  It strengthens his trunk and does wonders for his speech, stretching out his diaphragm...and things I have no idea about, but it's amazing and seems to work wonders!!!)  So, Ryan goes out with the OT and the speech therapist follows.  I pick up crying Josiah and begin to tear up myself.  All I could do was pray.  "Oh Jesus, I need your help.  This is over my head.  This is way beyond what I can handle.  Why?  Why me?  Why Ryan?"  I begin to think that I am completely unqualified to handle this.  And then the peace of the Holy Spirit comes over me.  After Ryan returns from getting the "big black ball" he is smiling and at peace!  Whew, Thank you, Jesus.  He is mostly cooperative the last part of our session and we move on...like nothing ever happened! 
Why do I question myself in the midst of trial?  Why is it the hardest to see Jesus when you're in the "thick" of it?!  Because you can't depend on YOURSELF anymore!  DING, DING, DING!  When Ryan is cooperative and obeying appropriately to the therapists, I can easily lift myself up and begin saying, "Oh yes, I've been working on that with him...."  or "Oh yes, I'm really focusing on that skill with him!"  Oh, it's just laughable at how prideful I can become.  Yet, what happens when he's completely and undeniably disobedient?  I give up.  I lose hope.  I question.  I doubt.  I need Jesus.  I would like to get to the point that in GOOD AND BAD, I need Jesus.  In GOOD AND BAD, I glorify and praise the one who created Ryan and loves him even more than I could imagine.  Help me, Jesus. 
Thank you for reading my ranting!  :)  Many of these revelations come as I write, which is such a comfort!  You all just get to join in on our chaos and get to be witnesses of our mess!  Ha!  But even in the mess, I will praise the Lord!  :)

1 comment:

  1. Rock on. Sound like you and Jesus are doing Pl pretty great.

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