"Lessons" February 16, 2012

So, for some reason I have felt compelled to write a specific blog about the lessons I have learned during this journey with Ryan.  I think it will be for me in the future when I am having a "down" day and need some encouragement, so bare with me as I reflect on this journey thus far and the lessons that have naturally come about!

Lesson 1:  Mourning is natural when dealing with a special needs child.  There are days when I ask God, "why???"  And that's OK!  I have learned that it's not bad to have an off day, but to ALWAYS communicate with the Lord about my questions as well as my husband.  If we can't communicate, bitterness can definitely breed!  If I let bitterness in, then Ryan suffers.  That just can't happen! 

Lesson 2:  NEVER compare Ryan with another child!!!!!!  God does NOT make junk.  Yes, science has tried to explain the different phenomenons that occur during pregnancy/delivery and whatnot, but I truly believe what the Bible says about HIM knitting each person together in the womb.  I BELIEVE that Ryan was made specifically for Ben and I.  I can't compare him with a "normal functioning" child because God WANTS him to function just the way He made him.  Is that difficult to understand???  OF COURSE IT IS!  Especially on those days that Ryan has meltdowns every 10 seconds!  Yes, I have questioned this many times.  But the lesson I have learned is maybe God made Ryan the way he is to teach Ben and I how to react to certain situations that we wouldn't have otherwise!  Another difficult pill to swallow, but it's going down slowly and we are realizing Ryan's abilities and inabilities are a gift from above!  We won't and can't compare! 

Lesson 3:  Mommy needs some "me time"!  There are days that I feel like "SUPER-MOM", fighting off germs, dirty laundry,  dishes and poopy diapers all with a smile and pearls...THEN there are days that I feel like the scum of the earth, dragging myself from task to task, in my nasty pajamas, counting down the minutes...no, seconds that Ben will be home! Those days used to make me the nastiest person...ASK BEN!  hahahaha!  We have both learned that if "momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!!!"  True story!  So, Ben, being the most amazing husband in the world, allows me to go out and do something for me when I need to!!  I LOVE doing zumba here in Berea, which is totally my outlet!!!!  It helps get my perspective back as well as dance my frustrations out!  He also tells me to go out and get a Sonic drink or just something totally selfish that takes 5 minutes and that out time allows me talk to God and have clarity in my thoughts.  I know, I know...what an amazing husband, right?  Yah, I know!  He's a keeper!

Lesson 4:  People may never be able to understand Ryan...and that's ok.  Before I was a mom, I had this thought that all my children would be completely perfect!  HA!  It's laughable now to think I actually thought that way....because if we are all completely honest, children were made to make us humble!  I know you have examples of times where your children said something or wore something that completely embarassed you!!!  LOL...I know God is up in Heaven smirking when that happens because we are not supposed to be perfect!!!!!  Our faults actually can make GREAT testimonies!  So, when Ryan is in a social setting and he is aggitated or doesn't respond the way people think that he should, I have to allow those times to be teaching moments for Ryan and MOMMY!  I can't just let shame rule and forget about my amazing, gifted child that can feel my embarassement radiate.  He needs to see that Love rules in our home always.  Yes, he knows there are consequences to certain actions, but those consequences are always out of love and NOT shame!

Lesson 5:  I am still learning!  All these lessons I mentioned are still works in progress!!  I am walking this journey one step at a time.  One thing I know for sure is Ryan has made Ben and I the happiest parents in the world.  He is the sweetest, most sympathetic, sensitive little boy...once you get to know him, that is!!!  I love it when he just rests his head on my shoulder (his idea of a hug!).  I know there is intelligence in him and I am still trying to challenge him, but it will take time!  I ask that everyone involved in Ryan's life have patience with me!  Help me pull him out of his shell.  He may never look you in the eye or respond to you, but he is in there and he wants love just as much as anyone!  Keep saying hi and don't give up on him.  One day we will see the fruit! 
Love and Hugs!!!